Self-Isolation Diary: Day 7

7:02am Read something about retraining your sense of smell. Shove an old sock in my schnozz and convince myself I can smell the clammy goodness. Not gonna lie, it feels good. Let out a satisfied groan that’s really not in keeping with the situation. Look up and see my wife staring at me with a mix of disgust and disappointment. Thank Christ I wasn’t sniffing my undies. Or testing my tastebuds.

7:05am Consider sniffing my undies. Decide against it.

7:10am 6 year old son sneezes. The non-infected one. Shit. We’re gonna have to test him again aren’t we?

7:11am It was only one sneeze though. That could be anything.

7:25am Fuck, he’s sneezed again. Two sneezes in fifteen minutes. Definitely Covid, that.

7:30am Son is pretty fucked-off by the revelation that we have to test him again. Wife has to fly solo as I can’t help in case I give him Covid. Catching Covid during a Covid test wouldn't be ideal. Like catching chlamydia during a driving test.

7:35am My poor lad is hysterical. I feel useless stood in the next room so end up shouting encouragement. ‘Just imagine you’re picking your nose, son!’ is just one of many ineffective lines.

8:05am Test is negative. He can go to school. Hallelujah.

Check out my live shows / books / podcast / blogs

I'll be announcing the tour dates for my BRAND NEW SHOW for 2022 very soon! For presale tickets be sure to join the mailing list below. I'm excited!

Back tomorrow…